Letters from war.

I have my life figured out, I bet you do too. Surely, human beings are structured to dream, aspire, make goals and plan! Well, at least that’s what I think…though I’m not sure. I hear that there is a #YOLO anthem going around *smh*. Personally, I think that this YOLO nonsense is a way for losers to justify themselves. I’m sorry. I’m entitled to my views, yes? Freedom of expression etc. etc. Anyway, this post is for people, like me, who have their futures ‘figured out’. Or so we think. The future is uncertain. Right? For all I know, I might drop dead the minute I publish this post. God’s timing,yes? But then again, I might be alive till 2060 and if so, I want a pretty ring on my finger and my cute baby crawling around by 2020.

And on top of that, financial security and peace of mind ‘cause after all, what is the purpose of life if there is no peace?

The problem is, just like a woman seated on her porch waiting anxiously for the postman to arrive with more letters from her son serving in a near-ending war, I might just rip open an envelope and find news that are sure to shatter my heart in a thousand pieces. All that work she put into making her son into a man, the memories they shared…Our destinies are not in our own hands. At one time we will have to close our eyes and ask God to grant us the serenity to accept that which we cannot change.

BRING THE PAIN!

Yuck. I have just noticed that that's a very ugly photo of me in the Hello October post. Heh. I should pull that down. I had all intentions to pull down this blog too but as I logged in to do so, I remembered my newly updated twitter bio. And it says 'When I stand before God at the end of my life, I hope to have no single bit of talent left so that I can say, "I used everything you gave me"..'- Emma Bombeck Eerm..so,yeah. That is the reason as to why I am back. I know my blog isn't cool and stuff, it doesn't contain poems that make you shed tears and neither does it drip humour.

All I write is from the heart, my words are the basis of all my thoughts. There is this English music producer who said that black people are blessed, that their souls are so full and that is why they are able to sing and make you cry even when nothing's wrong. I am not comparing my self to these guys, I'll be dammed, but it is my prayer that God will fill my soul every single day so that I can empty it here and in turn fill another person's heart (And that I dont suffer another mind-block ). So this englishman got me thinking about black people, their music and their [supposedly] very full souls. History makes it clear that Blacks (and jews) are by far the most unlucky people. HIV, poverty, crime, under-development, segregation etc are all associated with black people yet these very same people are responsible for most of the best music you will ever listen to. One will only have to watch sarafina again and get exactly what i mean. Hell, the kids on that film made me cry and I couldn't even understand a word of what they sang but they were able infect your soul with emotions, then some more. Their souls so full that they run over into yours.

Look, all I am saying is that whenever you feel like your spirit is drying up, when you no longer pray enough, when your conscience doesn't eat you whenever you do something wrong, check yourself. As my dad always says, you are either coming from a storm, entering one or in the eye of one. So if you dont feel that it simply means that your spirit is getting nurtered. It is the ups and downs that make us stronger, that fill our souls and in consequence fills another man's heart. John Newton's Amazing Grace has such a heart-wrenching story behind it that it was called 'The great deliverance'. Maybe it still stirs hearts 200 years later because it was writen with so much soul. So,today, wonder why life is giving you a break and pray for a sign then when that boat rocks view is as a chance to grow and say BRING THE PAIN DAMMIIIT!!!!